Self Awareness

I believe we were put on this planet to master life. However, I know the only way to master life is to master ourselves first. Lately, I have had many days where I have felt tired and burned out and moments when I wanted to wave a white flag petitioning the powers that be for a brief respite. On some days, I felt as though I have lived an entire week in one day. These feelings have caused wear on my physical, mental and emotional being. This awareness has caused me to explore the need to be honest with myself, feeling the pull to connect to the truth, and feeling the need to step off the hamster wheel. I know who I am because acceptance is the key, honesty is my tool, and my feelings are my guides.

I believe that women are the most generous of givers. We live to give and give to live. This compulsion is often to the point of complete exhaustion. Lately, I have been wondering why I am compelled to give so much of myself freely. Through generosity and hard work, I try to give to all those around me – and do so without replenishing my own soul. Realizing this, I need to make myself a priority. Rather than standing in a space of critical and harsh self-judgment, I need to soften toward myself. I need to understand that each personality trait and every quality that resides within me serves a greater purpose. Although I may not be able to see it now, one day I will realize that every one of the qualities that I judged or labeled as wrong or bad is a blessing waiting to be realized. I also plan to give myself one small indulgence each day. For example, instead of running around meeting everyone else’s needs, I am going to take some time to sip my morning tea listening to the birds with my face upturned to the sun. I plan to breathe deeply and give myself the gift of stillness. I will also work on becoming a great receiver of all that I want in life instead of waiting for someone else to fulfill the need within me.

I have learned that I do not want to tip toe through life so that I can arrive safely at my death. There is an ominous stillness in the water between the waves and when we need to regroup. I need to remind myself to move into the still, peaceful waters behind the wave and lie on my back and look at the sky and rest. May we all find our place on the wave of life and ease onto it with grace.