Role Models, Mentors and Friends

Every time that I start to feel sorry for myself, I think of all the stuff I have been through, put up with, survived, sacrificed, and accomplished. Whether I like it or not, the choices I have made or stumbled upon have made me who I am today. However, I have had a few good mentors, role models, and friends help guide me through this journey we call “life”!

I must admit that sometimes we do not recognize our true role models, mentors or friends until years later when we have noticed our own personal growth and progress. During my lifetime, I have had numerous role models and mentors. Some have reminded me what was really important in life, some have encouraged me to think and use the power of my voice, and some have dared me to make a difference. Each mentor and role model has taught me more about myself even when I did not want to listen. A role model to me is someone who not only treats me as an equal but also is honest, trusting, and most of all open-minded.

I believe the best roles models and mentors make us see the possibilities within ourselves. In the late 1980s, I had a supervisor, Commander Greg Lotz (USN-Ret.), who inspired me to try to live up to my potential. What he did was pull me aside one day and pointed out to me that I was “way smarter than my current job as a secretary” and that I needed to go to college in order to reach the potential that he thought I was capable of. I did not take his advice right then, but it gave me quite a boost and started me thinking and paying more attention to my career and goals in life. In the 1990s, I had another supervisor, Commander Greg Abbott (USN-Ret.), who also pointed out to me that I was hiding behind mediocre jobs instead of doing what I really wanted in life--helping others. He made me realize that I needed to be an advocate for myself and that I needed to take leadership on the issues that I believed in.

Lately, I have been privileged to have two very valuable role models and mentors named Colonel Tom Magness and Colonel Jeff Ryscavage. Their counsel and friendship have proven valuable to me and I have been influenced by the vitality and passion that they have in their lives and in the lives of others that they have touched. Their valuable insight, compassion, tenacity and humor often convinced me that the light at the end of the tunnel was not a speeding train! When I asked for advice, they always seemed to have time to listen, offered advice, challenged my perspective, and sometimes even redirected my efforts.

I am at that “40-something ponder my life stage” and I have come to the realization that I do not have traditional cookie cutter mentoring relationships. I like to call the above relationships episodes of spontaneous mentoring and role modeling. They have occurred because someone opened a discussion about how I was doing, asked me about my projects, suggested possibilities for handing career issues, and so on. If they had not asked me why I was not in college, told me that I was being mediocre, or not taken interest in my daily life, I do not think I would be as successful as I am today. Their input has had profound positive effects on me and my career and will for many years to come.

I truly believe that in order for a mentoring relationship to move beyond thriving to blooming, that there must be an equal flow of admiration and respect. I have been very fortunate to have had several mentors, role models, and friends that have taken an interest in my success. While the above list is not fully inclusive of all of them, their support and guidance continue to this day. I am eternally grateful to all for sharing their lives and I credit this dramatic turn around in my life to the time and effort of these individuals who mercifully helped me when I needed it. As the old saying goes, ‘when the student is ready, the teacher appears’. They all have appeared the moment I was ready to receive their wisdom.

True Friends

I enjoy the blessing of email and social networking sites such as Facebook because I am finding it easier to maintain and renew many of my friendships by a virtual means. I am a military brat and I have traveled most of my life moving every few years. Because of this, I have friends in many locations around the globe. I am not sure how true friendships emerge but I do believe that they are a gift from God. Having a true friend requires a certain oneness of mind, purpose, and a nobility of character. Real friendships require both friends to understand the “heart and soul” of the other, and to celebrate what they see, not because they are blinded to each other’s imperfections, but because they see all things through the eyes of friendship and love.

I truly believe that people are in our lives “for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. Lifetime friendships are the strongest ones and often occur because of shared experiences born out of real opportunities, adventures, and challenges. Often when I look back on a solid friendship, there is a beautiful mystery attached to the origins of it. These friendships were not forced or fabricated, but my life was always the better for them. As we age, our lives undergo many changes and not all of our friendships survive. I have found it normal for a few friendships to fall by the wayside for no obvious reason. Sometimes our priorities shift or we simply grow apart. Friends that are in your life for a “reason or a season” are not any less significant because they are often just as intense and meaningful but only for a shorter time. Like any marriage, relationship, or career, they too require work, thought, and realistic expectations in order to maintain them during periods of ebb and flow.

True friendships leave footprints everywhere in your life, like mud tracked in on a light colored carpet. Nurture your friendships through shared intimacy and reciprocity knowing that they can be rich, life affirming, joyful but also complicated at times. True friends are a unique treasure that wealth cannot buy and power cannot hold. Their transformative power is essential because life is better together – with real friends.